Category Archives: Friends

I’m Your Girl, You’re My Girl; Don’t You Know That I Love You?

I wrote this in 2010. I’m reposting it here, today, because I think she needs reminding.


“Take a minute, girl, come sit down and tell us what’s been happenin’
In your face I can see the pain, don’t try to convince us that you’re happy, yeah
We’ve seen this all before but he’s takin’ advantage of your passion
Because we’ve come too far for you to feel alone,
You don’t let him walk over your heart
I’m telling you…”

My mom once told me that when it came to loyalty, I resembled an anchor; that when I cared, I cared with all of me. I would get frustrated running myself ragged, desperately trying to claw my beloved’s burden off his/her shoulders, only to place it heftily upon my own. This is my gift and my solemn curse. Many a time it’s been used against me, a hypothetical gun pointed at the bridge between my eyes. The fingers wound around it? My own. I shake my head at its existence but I refuse to apologize for it. Because caring that deeply is love and why would anyone feel the need to express regret over that? Keep reading.

Day 8: Picking Up The Pieces

Have you ever looked back at the major events in your life and imagined how different it could have been if just one more specific person was there to share them?

The dissolution of friendships is an inevitability of life. You grow and you outgrow. There are the friendships that come to a natural end, with no bitter resentments. There are the ones that lack closure, a question mark as the final punctuation in that story. There are the ones that conclude with screaming and slammed doors, sharp words spit out in the heat of the moment, words they came to regret when the dust settled. Then there are those that you haven’t touched base with in years but can’t seem to leave behind. There were no caustic burns and the only scar that formed was her absence.

She was that for me. And to reconnect with her today was the highest point of my day.

“And when I was young I didn’t understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird.” – Audrey Niffenegger, “The Time Traveler’s Wife”

You hear people talk of how breathing life back into a friendship, bringing one out of a coma, is a cautionary tale. Awkward pauses, glossing over missed opportunities, having nothing to add to the conversation.

But I glanced at my phone and saw that five and a half hours sped by without my noticing it. And in a booth at East Side Mario’s, with rehashed memories, I remembered who we once were and instantly felt guilt-ridden. Because we both can’t recall the chapter or verse of what happened, because the details have become so vague and blurry … just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for any and all the blame that falls on me for why the pause on our friendship lasted for so long. I never harboured any ill feelings towards you, I always held you in high regard, and I can’t begin to explain how much I’ve missed you all this time!

I look forward to more booth-hogging, coffee and cappuccinos, lunch-into-dinner, pasta lover dates!


 

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