Have you ever looked back at the major events in your life and imagined how different it could have been if just one more specific person was there to share them?
The dissolution of friendships is an inevitability of life. You grow and you outgrow. There are the friendships that come to a natural end, with no bitter resentments. There are the ones that lack closure, a question mark as the final punctuation in that story. There are the ones that conclude with screaming and slammed doors, sharp words spit out in the heat of the moment, words they came to regret when the dust settled. Then there are those that you haven’t touched base with in years but can’t seem to leave behind. There were no caustic burns and the only scar that formed was her absence.
She was that for me. And to reconnect with her today was the highest point of my day.
“And when I was young I didn’t understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird.” – Audrey Niffenegger, “The Time Traveler’s Wife”
You hear people talk of how breathing life back into a friendship, bringing one out of a coma, is a cautionary tale. Awkward pauses, glossing over missed opportunities, having nothing to add to the conversation.
But I glanced at my phone and saw that five and a half hours sped by without my noticing it. And in a booth at East Side Mario’s, with rehashed memories, I remembered who we once were and instantly felt guilt-ridden. Because we both can’t recall the chapter or verse of what happened, because the details have become so vague and blurry … just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for any and all the blame that falls on me for why the pause on our friendship lasted for so long. I never harboured any ill feelings towards you, I always held you in high regard, and I can’t begin to explain how much I’ve missed you all this time!
I look forward to more booth-hogging, coffee and cappuccinos, lunch-into-dinner, pasta lover dates!